Many of us doubt ourselves, do not believe in our abilities, and this ultimately hinders us in our lives. Today we will look at how to boost self-confidence, even if you are not perfect in your eyes.
In the article How to find the right motivation to change, you had the opportunity to read more about how to create a vision of your life. The vision motivates people to work on themselves and move forward.
But sometimes we can create a beautiful vision of how we would like to live, but we are paralyzed by doubts about whether we can do it. These doubts gradually erode us and eventually demotivate us until we give up on our vision.
Once we come to terms with what our life looks like and stop trying for a better life, it’s basically GAME OVER.
Where do our doubts about ourselves come from? And is it possible to work with these doubts and distrust in ourselves in order to gain strength, boost confidence, and fulfill our dreams?
Where did your doubts arise?
Ever since childhood, our brain has been capturing things that others have said about us, or how we felt about ourselves over the years.
If we do something, the brain stores the information. If we fail, the brain will also save it. All of this is stored in the brain deeply into memory, where, like a mosaic, a picture that we make of ourselves is put together.
And so, for example, I start to believe that I AM… smart or stupid, beautiful, or ugly, fat or skinny, handy, or awfully awkward to… draw / sports / math / singing / add your own thing.
The funny thing is that whatever we think of ourselves, life will do everything to support our opinion.
There will be people, opportunities and circumstances in your life who will confirm your opinion, no matter the opinion.
If you believe you’re thin, people will tell you. You will feel admired, desirable, pretty. If you believe you are fat and ashamed of it, people will laugh at you. Or at least you will feel they are laughing at you, you will feel ugly, not worthy, undesirable.
And it has nothing to do with what you really look like. It’s all about what you believe in.
In this way, we always keep our established beliefs and take it as a constant fact.
The picture we have made of ourselves during all these years then affects our self.confidence. How much we believe in us in both overall and specific activities.
Lack of confidence will affect your life
If you have created a picture of yourself as a type of person who is not doing well (not talented, not successful), it doesn’t really boost your confidence in achieving your dreams, does it?
If you do not believe inwardly that you will achieve your dream, you have basically decided in your head that you will not succeed and it is not worth trying.
As a result, you are completely deprived of the chance to prove to yourself otherwise. You will never try to achieve your dream. Why, when it’s useless? And you’ll only keep dreaming of it all your life.
Worst of all, this process often takes place on a subconscious level, so we internally sabotage ourselves and we don’t even know about it.
Another common situation is that we at least partially believe we can achieve our dream, yet we have many doubts. These doubts may hamper you in action, cripple, or gradually sway from your intentions. You will make a few futile attempts and eventually give up with a bad feeling.
Then, in your mind, you are right to all those doubts – “I knew I couldn’t do it“. Once again, life mirrored what you had long been convinced of.
How to get your confidence back?
I guess we all want to be the kind of person who believes in himself. It is much easier for a person who believes in himself to make contact with other people or to undertake new tasks with which he has no experience. They are not afraid of the pitfalls, because they know they can handle them.
Success or failure is thus largely due to the way a person approaches himself. A person who does not trust himself seldom can do anything in life because he either sabotages completely and does not even take action, or his own doubts slam him into the ground.
If you honestly believe in your mind that you can do something, then you will always find a way to achieve it. Such people say “there are no problems, only solutions“.
How to become such a person and boost your confidence?
It’s actually simple because one thing is needed. But it is not so easy to do this.
You need to change your mind about yourself.
To stop doubting yourself, you will have to change the image you have created in your mind.
The following two consciousness will help you.
1. What we think of ourselves is not necessarily true
In childhood, they told us… you can’t do this, you can’t do that, you are too small/stupid to understand. You are not capable of this or that.
Not only the others told us, some of those things we told ourselves.
Our brain has stored this information. Since then, we believe it.
It may have been true at the time, but many years have passed, and we still believe in it and let ourselves be limited.
There’s a story of elephant trainers, who tie little baby elephants to a stake. The baby elephants do not have enough strength to break the rope, so after a few futile attempts, they stop trying to escape.
When they grow into a big and powerful elephant, they still believe they don’t have the power to break the rope. And so they will never try again and remain tethered for the rest of their lives.
- Solution: realize your own beliefs and start to change it consciously.
We will discuss this issue in more detail in other articles. And if you long for more intensive work on yourself, sign up for my course where I will guide you through the analysis of your thought patterns and guide you on how to gain confidence and work on yourself.
2. Human character is not a constant
Saying: “people don’t change.”
Most people do not change all their lives not because they cannot, but because they believe they cannot.
Some people also don’t want to change because it’s comfortable. If comfort wins over trying to improve their own lives, it is because they lack vision and appropriate motivation. But we’ve talked about that already.
- Solution: Fixed and. Growth mind setting
Do you believe you have a certain nature, intelligence, and abilities that are immutable? Or do you believe that all these things can be worked on, gradually improved and developed?
Whether your mind is set in a fixed or growth way will affect whether you believe in yourself or not.
Imagine that your mind is fixed. You believe that all your qualities and abilities are given to you by nature. And that they will remain the same your whole life.
If you are not good at something – be it music, art, sport, math, you think you’ll never be good at it. Logically, then, you have very little confidence in this activity, because you do not believe that you could ever be good at it.
Conversely, if you have a mind set up in growth, you believe that if you pursue that activity, you will also gradually improve in it. If you have a good self-reflection, you will realize that you may not excel in this activity at the moment, and you still have a lot to learn, but you also understand that it does not say anything about you as a human.
The fact that you are not good in numbers or great singing does not shrink your confidence – you know that if you practice, you will get better.
You may be thinking now – damn, my mind is fixed!
The good news is that even the fixed and growth mindset is not fixed. Most people have a combination of both thinkings. In some areas, we believe we can improve. And skills in other areas we consider to be given. However, you can also change whether you perceive a certain ability or property with a fixed or growth mindset. By changing the mindset, you will boost your confidence.
How to do it: the next time you come across something you can’t do and start scolding “I’m so stupid, I can never do this, I’m lagging behind, I’m worse, I’ve always been bad” for a moment stop and try to perceive the situation with growth mindset.”
Yes, of course, we all have different talents and abilities. In some things, we naturally do better and naturally worse than others. So what?
Wouldn’t it be boring if everyone knew everything? Respect yourself for your own strengths. Honestly, talent is usually about 5% of success, the rest is hard work.
Some people with a growth mindset have managed to make their greatest “shortcomings” the greatest advantages. Precisely because they were working harder than talented people to improve their skills!
Summary: How to boost your confidence?
Self-confidence and the picture you have made yourself fundamentally affect your life. If you have dreams that you don’t believe you can ever achieve, realize two things.
- Not everything you think about yourself is true.
- If this happens to be true and it prevents you from achieving your dream, it is not fixed. If you wish, you can change your behavior, nature, knowledge, and abilities. It will take some work, but it’s doable. What you can’t do now, you can do better in half a year or a year than others if you start to focus on it.
Decide to pursue your dreams.
Decide to learn everything you need. Or you will find someone who can do it and who can help you with it.
In short, whenever wanted, one can always cope. When people were able to get up to the moon, you certainly can’t make up a dream that would be so unreal. 🙂
So, now you know how to boost your confidence. You are probably also beginning to understand that for our lives a lot depends on what we think about ourselves and how we think – not just about ourselves, but also about the world around us.
In the next article, we’ll talk about it in more detail to really understand the power of your thoughts. So look forward to it, because this article can change your life.